update and a little goodbye

i haven't been crossfitting, lifting heavy things, or going to the gym at all lately, which is part of why this blog has been so quiet. i have done these things a few times (like, 3) since my last entry, i just didn't write about them. it just seemed boring.

i'm tired of the grind of working out and i have been for a while. that doesn't mean i can stop - my mental health is hugely dependent on exercise, not to mention the health of my physical body. but it's going to take some fierce mental determination to get back into the habit of exercising, especially when it is no longer a fun thing but rather a burden to bear. i'm depressed, and when i'm depressed, i can't give myself the choice of only doing what makes me happy (b/c nothing does), so i will get back into the habit of crossfitting/lifting eventually. but as i'm not excited about it, i probably won't be blogging about it.

meanwhile, my father is dying. his liver is failing, not exactly surprising as he had a large portion of it resected earlier this year (colon cancer that had spread). but with the surgery and the chemo we thought he was ok - this sort of came out of nowhere a few weeks ago. in a few days if he's not lucky, a few weeks if he is lucky, he will die. i have a very complicated and difficult relationship with my father, and to be honest, i'm surprised at how sad this whole thing is making me. i'm sad for my nephews/niece (his grandkids), i'm sad for his wife, and i'm sad for my sisters. maybe i'm a little bit sad for myself, too, because even though he's been a crap father for the majority of my life, he's the only one i have and the last parent i have left and well, it's just sad.

anyway. this is only relevant b/c my plan was to return from vacation and force myself back into a regular gym schedule (the only way to do it when i'm depressed). but now i'm probably going to be in NH for work for the next few weeks so i can be closer to him and my family. gym is a no go for a little while. but i'll bring my walking shoes and try to get some exercise in. i'll probably need it.

it's probably not the last time i'll blog here, but it'll be the last time for a while, at least.

so: i wish you all the best in 2012, and i hope that your chosen fitness model (and everything else!) is bringing you joy and peace and whatever else you might want out of it. take care.

high bar back squats! press! rdl!

i wasn't planning on going to the gym today. i planned on sleeping in this morning (check), getting lots of things done at work (check), and heading right home after work to enjoy my new glasses which were just delivered (they are awesome, in case you were wondering). but during the day today at work, i thought about how much fun it would be to just go in and do some squats. then i thought if i'm going in anyway, i might as well get my oly lifting stuff in. i found myself looking forward to it. so when i got home, i ohed and ahed over my new glasses for a scant 2 minutes before heading back out the door to the gym.

and i'm really glad that i did. here's why:

i got there and both the oly platforms were taken. this immediately knocked me off my stride. so i decided to at least squat, b/c that's what got me fired up to go to the gym in the first place. and not just squat, but change from my low bar back squat to a high bar. it was really weird at first, but after some tips from jonathan j (thanks, jj!), i figured out how to position the bar. it still doesn't feel *good*, but i'm confident i've got it right.

high bar back squat
warmed up with sets of 5 at 45#, 75#. a set of 3 at 105#. then decided to be conservative with my work sets b/c it's pretty different than a low bar BS and i wasn't sure what i could do.
1 set of 5 @ 135#. this wasn't too hard, but i was still getting the feel for the HBBS.
1 set of 5 @ 150#. this was significantly more challenging, but i didn't have any problems hitting the reps. so...
1 set of 5 @ 165#. almost lost it on the last few, but just dug in and kept after it. this should have been my working weight, and will be next time (before i put more weight on the bar).

press
2 sets of 5 @ 55#
1 set of 5 @ 60#

romanian deadlift
1 set of 5 @ 125#
1 set of 5 @ 135#
1 set of 5 @ 145#

then i left, happy and feeling good for the first time in a while.

also, i didn't think my prescription changed that much, but i can see SO MUCH BETTER in my new glasses. win.

back in for the regular crossfit class tomorrow morning, then hopefully up early enough friday to go in and lift.

meh

yesterday i went in and did some snatch work (pull + hang). up to 63# i think? didn't feel good. then clean and jerks up to 93#. these felt better. front squats at 115#. light but it's been a few weeks since i squatted so i thought it wise. back extensions at 25# and pushups.

today (this morning, even) i joined the regular crossfit class.
push press, 5 sets of 3
worked up to 88#. could have gone heavier, but didn't want to smoke my shoulders for the WOD.

10 rounds
3 push press @ 75% of 3RM (i went a little too light at 63#, should have done 68#)
as many TTB as possible in remaining minute
0:30 rest
i did KTE instead of TTB (as i can't get my toes anywhere near the bar), and those were really scaled to knees-to-mid-tricep. 102 reps.

not a metabolic conditioning WOD, as grip strength (and ripped palms) was the limiting factor. but still kind of fun.

i don't like going to the gym anymore. this makes me immeasurably sad. i hope it's just the winter blues.

back to oly lifting, squats, etc

my knee has been hurting on and off, but it wasn't too bad this morning so i went back to my previously scheduled programming (a little light, though). everything felt fine, which is good. if it's still ok tomorrow, i might try heavier squats.

snatch pull + hang snatch (knee) (2+1) x 5
worked up to 2 ugly reps (didn't catch it nearly deep enough, sloppy overhead position) at 68#, then backed off with a few sets of 63# (felt great) and one at 58#.

clean pull + hang clean (hip) (2+1) x 5
5 at 83#. one rep was sloppy, didn't extend all the way at the top.

overhead squat 3 x 5
5 sets of 3 reps at 83#. haven't done these in forever. i wanted to get my overhead work and squats done at the same time, so OHS worked well. these felt really hard, and my wrists are killing me from them. definitely have to start OHS'ing once a week.

then a halved & modified version of CFD's WOD:
3 rounds
10 kb clean (35#)
10 slam balls (15#)
10 TTB (scaled TTB to floor)

slam balls, where have you been all my life? <3

i love turkish get-ups

turkish get-ups are so deceptively easy - they're kind of slow, the movement doesn't take much skill, and all you're doing is standing up with a weight over your head. but they are just *brutal*. even light TGUs have me drenched in sweat immediately. sadly, i could only do them w/my right arm extended (left arm extended required me to put weight on my bruised right knee and it didn't like that), but i did work up to 2 reps @ 40#. 

then the WOD. on the CFD website, it said we were supposed to have :30 seconds rest. but when stew wrote it on the board this AM, he wrote :20 rest (and since he made up the WOD, i suppose he was right). losing those :10 between each round made this even more challenging than i expected. 

2:00 work, :20 rest
*pullups (blue band) - 29
*HSPU (17" box) - 30
*kb snatch (25#) - 35
*box jumps (~10 jumps on 17" box, then steps on 24" box) - 30
*ring dips (red+skinny band) - 20
144 total

my knee is achy after everything (the TGUs in particular really made me work range of motion and mobility) but not too bad. and i was able to do a few box jumps without it really hurting much (then it started to so i moved to step-ups). 

also, the gym is looking awesome these days. so much more space with the acquisition of the yoga studio, and things are finally getting put where they belong. definitely the best crossfit box i've been in (or seen on videos, etc). 

regular crossfit class for the first time in ages

i made it in to the 5pm class on wednesday (just like i said i would!) and joined the class - warmup, strength, and WOD - for the first time in several months. i wish i could say it was awesome, but it wasn't. i've been feeling more and more isolated at the gym - obviously this is due to the fact that i go in and do my own thing rather than do the community workout, right? um, not so much. i did have some nice chats with some of my fellow crossfitters, but i still felt isolated. probably just my mood (it wasn't a good day prior to the gym). but i'm not sure how to fix it. sigh.

i warmed up with the usual (skipping the situps as there were eleventy million in the WOD), then thought, "oh, i'll just do some snatch work with the PVC pipe. that can't hurt my knee." except it did. the very first power snatch i landed and found myself in excruciating pain. the jarring motion was not good for my badly bruised knee. which means no cleans, either. and no box jumps, or double unders, or burpees (ok, i'm happy about the last one). my mood was not improved by this discovery.

dave warmed us up with some shoulder passthroughs with the PVC, tortured our pecs with lacrosse balls, and pushups. i was disappointed when i could barely do one full pushup, and quickly had to move to my knees. this didn't improve my mood, either.

then the rest of the class did bench, but i wasn't so keen on it as my knee was kinda achy and i do dig in with my feet when i bench. so i pressed instead. and it was ok, but it also hurt my knee, just keeping everything tensed for the lift. i got up to 3 sets of 5 at 58#. as this is quite a bit lighter (relatively) than my last press work, it didn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly.

the WOD included muscle-ups and GHD situps, neither of which i can do. i subbed 2 abmat situps for each GHD, and 3 ring dips and 3 ring rows for the muscle-ups. it looked like this:
50 abmat situps
3 ring dips (red + skinny band) / 3 ring rows
40 situps
6 rd / 6 rr
30 situps
9 rd / 9 rr
20 situps
12 rd / 12 rr
10 situps
15 rd / 15 rr

finished in 13:29. this was more of a strength WOD than a metcon, which i was a little disappointed by, as i need the conditioning (not more than the strength, b/c i clearly need both, but i do strength more, or at least i did before i hurt my knee). but it was fun and challenging and my abs are in terrible pain after those 150 situps. my shoulders are sort of meh - i probably should have done pullups instead of ring rows, but i didn't want to deal with getting in and out of the bands. glad i got into the gym, but it didn't give me the same endorphin high i expect. sometimes a bad mood is pretty bulletproof.

i'm also planning on going today and modifying as there's box jumps. maybe i'll do box step ups. and: more ring dips! woo.

still injured

the bruising on my knee is coming in nicely. the fact that it took almost a week to show up (and generally i bruise very easily) indicates just how deep it is. the fact that it's now a week later and i'm still having significant pain from it is why i haven't been back to the gym yet :(

i'm planning on going to the gym tonight after work to do the WOD. it's situps and muscle-ups (abmat situps & ring dips/pullups for me), so no leg work at all. the strength is bench press - i might try to do that, too. i'd much rather go in and do some oly training, but i think that's going to have to be off the table until my knee is healed a bit more. happily range of motion is back without any pain, but (and this actually concerns me) unfortunately there's a constant pain under the kneecap, it's exacerbated by walking/putting weight on it.

why do i always have to learn my lessons the hard way? ugh.