here's how it went down:
we started the class with ~20 minutes of double under work. i realized far too late that i was wearing the wrong pants for double unders. how can you have the 'wrong' double under pants, you ask? well friends, this is an excellent question. these particular pants fall down while i do my double unders. i don't know how this happens - they are tight lululemon workout pants, which everyone says are awesome specifically because they don't ride up (i.e. they should STAY PUT). but after about 15 consecutive DUs, i can feel them 1/2 down my butt.
i am not a gangster (see? i even say "gangster", instead of gagsta'... this proves how un-gangster i am), i am not a young co-ed trying to show off my butterfly thong, i am just not the kind of person who wants to wear my pants anywhere but firmly around my waist. so i have to stop to hike them back up, even if i'm not winded or failing on the DUs. it's incredibly frustrating. alternately, i could just flash the gym (and all of geer st thanks to those large windows!), but this isn't really a viable alternative for me. i'm cool with other people getting 1/2 way nekkid while they work out, but it's not for me. and no one at our gym takes off their pants (thank the stars), so i think it would be pretty weird if i just kept DU'ing with my pants around my ankles. not to mention a safety hazard.
anyway. that's how the class started. from there we went into the WOD. which, of course, also included DUs.
20 minute AMRAP
- 10 power cleans (65#, rx=75#)
- 20 kb swing (35# rx)
- 30 DUs
it started so well (and *almost* rx!). my first round i completed the first two exercises unbroken, then i got to the DUs, when i had to stop to hike up my goddamn pants. but i still did them in 2-3 sets. then the 2nd round of PCs my stomach started to do some twisty, horrible things. i did the PCs ok, but the kb swings were done in sets of 5 with long breaks in between, where i knelt on the ground and tried not to throw up or worse (no i will not explain what i mean by 'or worse'. use your imagination). this wasn't your regular workout pain, my tummy was unhappy. but also my head just wasn't in it. i kept thinking about (of all things) the endurance WOD later tonight. i was dreading it. then my tummy was doing some crazy gymnastics-cramping-bullshit and i kept thinking about how lame i was and how weak and mentally untough and loser-ish i was and how much my stomach hurt and... well. i think you understand what i mean when i say my head wasn't in it.
8 minutes into the WOD i was only on my 3rd round, a round that i never finished. with 3 minutes left, i just threw down my jump rope and walked outside, where i sat with my head between my legs trying not to cry and/or throw up for 5 minutes. then i stomped back inside, angrily set my bar back up (because doug had nicely put it away while i was outside feeling sorry for myself), snottily asked for the clock to be reset to 5 minutes, then proceeded to get through 1 round before having another mini breakdown whereupon i threw my log book on the ground. i am so f'ing charming it's unbelievable.
seriously, folks, this is what happened. i am not proud of my behavior, i am ashamed, i am unhappy, i am sad with myself. but it happened, it was my day at the gym, so here i am telling you about it.
i will practice my mental toughness again tonight at the endurance WOD, i will keep plugging away, i will get better - and still, some days (most days) i will fail at something. i will fail at the WOD, or i will fail at a lift, or i will fail at my reaction to my failure. i'm trying to learn to be comfortable with this failure - not to accept it and stop trying, but just to let it be part of my training. i'm trying to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
it's really, really hard.